A Clarification, Two Reviews und Drei Wunschen

One Clarification.
Yesterday after pondering more about my sadness about Hussein's execution, I have decided I know where the bulk of the sadness comes from. And it's entirely selfish. I like warning. I need slightly longer foreshadowing at best. I need the cop to snicker about how he's retiring in a week, so when he gets shot at the top of act one, I'm not surprised. Hussein was convicted and sentenced a month ago, but we only learned of the imminence of his execution 12 hours prior to it. I'm an American. I'm used to people spending years on death row. Maybe that's what I'm umphed about: too short a notice. I couldn't find anything to wear.

Two Reviews. (I'll try to keep both brief.)

Honey and I took in The Holiday, yesterday afternoon. This movie should've been subtitled Where's Franzen's "The Corrections", because at some point I noticed that every scene that included books in the background, included that iconic spine or bookcover subtly placed to tickle the viewer's subconcious. That subliminal commercial aside, this film was a fun, forumulaic jaunt which still managed to seem new-ish. It asked Jack Black to tone his mania down (which he does palatably), Cameron Diaz to play a grown up (something she still needs help with) and Kate Winslet and Jude Law to do what they do best - namely play their default charming characters. Winslet fully invests herself into this performance and brings grace and honesty to a character a lesser actress (Kate Hudson, for instance) would have simply played as a mildly clumsy, less than lovable loser. Diaz plays somewhere between her Charlie's Angels ditz and her catty bride from Very Bad Things. Her performance is overall decent, but there are scenes where you can here the phone ringing when she opens her mouth. It makes me miss the years when she worked harder like she did in Things and The Last Supper. Nonetheless, her character was emotionally repressed enough that even in the few scenes where she checked out, it was believable. Casting Black as a film composer worked well, if for no other reason than we Jack Black fans would love to hear what Black would come up with for an honest-to-goodness film score one of these days. He played at a comfortable pace a la Shallow Hal, but less jokey and we got to see some of his nerdy "tenacity" in the Blockbuster video scene. Scroo-ba-doo-be-doo. Jude Law - sigh. What is there to say? He could play against a box of Cheerios and convince you he was desperately in love with it. His character was total emotional girl-porn: a suave, but slightly dangerous British hottie (hence Law); a book editor; a great father, and he's a widower. Characters like that pass GO and collect $200 from female moviegoers the instant they open their mouthes. I'm not really going to go into the plot because once you know the set up - two broken hearted women from across the Atlantic trade homes at Christmas and find love on the others' shores - you know the plot for the most part. What kept the script refreshing, though was Diaz's character's inability or personal refusal to completely reciprocate and the non-courtship of Black and Winslet. As romantic comedies go, this was one of the best I'd seen in a long time. There are scenes that will continue to replay in my head, so that's good. Honey and I enjoyed it so much, I think we'll buy it and add it to our Christmas Romance Movies list, which right now only includes Love Actually. I guess we'll need to broaden it. We're welcome to any suggestions.

Last night at home, we took in Why We Fight, the 2005 documentary exploration into the fulfillment of the military-industrial complex that Eisenhower warned us against in his departing speech from the Oval Office. It was incredible. Very well crafted. Immensely riveting. These days, I really try to pay attention to crafting of a story as well as to the information in documentaries. The film opens with a NY father describing the events of 9/11 and how they effected his family. We keep going back to him and we learn of his personal loss, his own time spent in VietNam, his support for Johnson and his feeling of betrayal after Tonken. His support for Bush and his feeling of betrayal after Bush admitted Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. He is Joe America. While writing this post, a friend called me and interrupted. We chatted, and without any knowledge that I had even heard of this movie, her husband yelled over from the passenger seat that I should check out a review he had written for this movie on his site. I LOVE little synchronous coincidences like that. Because he is far more eloquent than I am (I'm positive he wrote this in one draft), I'm going to suggest you read his review. It's a great review of a great documentary and the complex structure of war in modern America.

Und Drei Wunschen.
I learned the other day that the Germans have a tradition of stating wunschen, or futile wishes and curses at the end of the year. So here are mine for you:

1. May you forget to pay your bills for the rest of the year!
2. May you receive no mail for the rest of the year.
3. I hope you forget to take your vitamins for the rest of the year.

So that was my blind foray into another tradition. I won't do that for the rest of the year!

Party safely tonight, all! So long, 2006!

la mort d'un tyrant

Yeah, you probably know what I'm going to post about.

Unlike the apathy I feel about President Ford's passing, I feel something about Hussein's execution. I probably feel apathetic about Ford's because he left office when I was 6 months old and I have no memory of his leadership (yes, I have memory of Carter's). That, and the fact that the man has been in and out of the hospital on the brink of death for the last year, leaves me feeling a little more relieved for his own health. I do believe that death is a friend once you reach a certain level of sickness or elderliness. With Hussein, it's different.

I don't mourn his passing. He was a bloody tyrant, so I can't be sad that this human is off the planet. I am sad, though. What I mourn is the incompletion of justice. He still had at least one more trial coming. Why should the victims and surviving family members for whom that trial was to be held be denied the justice of a trial? Why should a trial be deliberately shoved aside like that? Even if he would've been found innocent at the second trial - which I sincerely doubt would've happened - he still would've been hanged for this one, so he'd be no less dead for his transgressions. (Though let's say that scenario had occurred: would the surviving families have felt justice was served by his death, even though he'd been found innocent at the second trial? Perhaps a topic for another post altogether: what is the nature of justice?) That Hussein was going to be executed was certain the moment he was discovered hiding in a pit three years ago. I trust though that Iraqis really wanted justice this time and not just revenge. Frankly, if his trial had been held in America, the case may be made that it was not a fair one, what with all the interruptions and lawyer shuffling. But it was probably far fairer than anything Iraqis had seen in a long damn time. I am sad because the second trial didn't go forward. I'm sad that those who'd weathered so much agony under his spiky fist didn't get to tell their stories in court.

Truthbeknown, I'm also sad because I really feel like he should've been tried at the Hague. He was a war criminal and a had committed crimes against humanity in between wars. If the West who started this current war and supposedly liberated Iraq (whatever the hell that means in their current mayhem) really wanted to hold him to the same standard as other war criminals, he should've been tried at the Hague. ... hmm. That reminds me: I was also sad when Milosevic died. Again, not because I doubt his guilt, but because his trial was never completed; human justice was never served. Though in his case, I gratified myself with the thought that "what goes around comes around." Kind of like with Kenneth Lay. ... yet another person for whom human justice was not carried through. He was found guilty, but it's my understanding that because he died before he went to jail, not only is he sort of expunged, his estate isn't subject to paying any recompense. (Which is barbecued bullshit in my opinion, but I should really read up on all the details of that kind of decision before I blow a gasket.) Maybe that's what irritates me most about Hussein's death: it came before full human justice was decided and if it had to be premature, it wasn't a case of karma taking him out.

I lost no one to his hand. Those who suffered under him are elated and for the relief they feel today, I am satisfied. I am not a fan of the death penalty but am overall generally ambivalent about it as a concept. If Saddam Hussein's death brings closure to a lot of people in Iraq, as proponents of the penalty claim it does (topic for another post, I'm sure), then I am glad for them. For those for whom his execution is justice denied, I am sad for them.

I guess the one good thing is this: An evil man is dead.

Faithful till the end

That is my goal for the last three days of the year: to faithfully post and browse each day. How's that for a resolution?

Christmas at my in-laws' was pretty good. To the left there is a picture of Babydog and her Pug cousin playing. They played in the middle of the living room, in front of the Christmas Tree the whole time we were unwrapping presents. Occasionally, they'd take it to the foyer or the kitchen, but mostly they enjoyed tussling in the center of everything. It irritated my brother-in-law who kept trying to break it up, but Honey and I quite liked it. They know where the pack is and where the fun is, so why should they not get their party on where we were getting our party on? Later they tussled under the dining room table where we were playing Texas Hold 'Em. It's hard to keep a poker face with grumbling fur tickling your feet.

In the meantime, I had a job interview yesterday afternoon. I was ambivalent going in and only slightly less so coming out.
THE PROS: seems like a relaxed environment; they prefer to pay freelance; it would be a slight raise with the prospect of more raises more quickly than with my current employer; though I'd start off in yet another admin-ish position (howl of pain), it seems they prefer to promote people on quickly to bigger and better things according tor their talents; as it is in my part of the city, my commute would probably be cut by 2/3 meaning I might actually be able to get home before 7PM on weeknights.
THE CONS: the position is kind of vaguely defined right now, though Honey thinks that's actually a pro; I know someone who freelanced with this company briefly and had a very negative taste in his mouth afterward, specifically because of the hostile attitude of one of the superiors - though I don't think I'd report to him; it's not the exact direction I want to go with my career - it's more of a side-exploration into another more bread-and-butter part of this industry for me; there may be no contract, the position would be indefinite and Molly, after three months in any position begins to get too comfortable.

I guess my two big concerns are: is that one guy really a hostile guy and can I really promote pretty quickly? And the latter is as dependent on me as it is on them. I could make a point to make sure to make myself available to someone each day or week until someone put me in a position I'm wanting more. As well, I could accept the job on a 3 month basis, say, as a test run. As for the hostile guy, I've dealt with hostility before and there's always the possibility that he's just a jerk who feels the need to do some piss-testing and all I'd need to do is learn when to appease him and when to stand him down.

My current job ends in a couple of weeks. I guess I'm also holding out hope that some really great project will pop up with my current employer in the next few weeks for which they'd like to give me a new contract with a different position. My current employer is less on the bread-and-butter end of the business, but they're on the end I'm more personally interested in. When I get back to work Tuesday, I'll feel them out and let them know I have an offer I need to move one way or another on by Thursday.

Sorry to ramble on about my employment woes. ... If you've made it this far, why don't you ponder this? President Ford died Tuesday. I'm as apathetic to his passing as I was to his life. Does that make me a bad person, an unconcerned citizen? Talk amongst yourselves!

Feliz Navidad!

Glad tidings and joy to you, dear reader wherever you are! It's Christmas morn and the nephews are still asleep with 10 minutes to go until their "designated hour of unwrapping" so I thought I'd use this time to send a seasonal salutation to all in the blogosphere.

In the past week, I've felt Grinchier than usual. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I didn't go to church at all this advent. This is the first year EVER where I've not at minimum gone to a Christmas Eve service. I haven't sung "Joy to the World" with a throng, nor any other carol. That chips away at me some, I think. The other bit of Grinchiness is what it is every year - and probably has been since I was a teenager, and certainly since I reached adulthood: some rue at the focus on consumerism this holiday brings. But that's just the world we live in, so I guess I'd best deal with it. Luckily, in our household, we're not that wrapped up in that aspect: we get eachother and others gifts, but we don't go hog wild and we refuse to do so if/when we have children.

But this chilly, Christmas morn, following a night of restless sleep at my sister-in-law's house, with Honey in the kitchen preparing Dutch Babies, I am content. It's Christmas and the dogs are happy. The kitchen will soon smell of baking eggs and powdered sugar. And since I haven't had a chance to lift my voice with the hosts in a sanctuary this season, I will make a list of my favorite Christmas carols, both ecclesiastical and secular (in no particular order):

1. Angels We Have Heard on High
2. Merry Christmas from the Family
3. Joy to the World
4. O, Holy Night
5. All I Want for Christmas is You
6. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
7. Mary's Boy Child
8. O, Come All Ye Faithful - especially with a bunch of brass in the sanctuary: WOW!
9. O, Little Town of Bethlehem
10. It's Cold Outside

MERRY CHRISTMAS! May you all enjoy a blessed day in whatever tradition (religious or otherwise) uplifts you!

3 Things that did me good.

I haven't done a reflection on 3 items that warmed my ticker recently, so I thought I'd do one, today.

1. Auditioning by invite-only for a show I was really, really interested in. Having a great time at the audition, expecting at best a call-back. And then getting cast! Woohoo! I can't wait for the run, next Spring.

2. Having a blast at some friends' annual holiday party. Despite the guy who thought that by telling me he was straight at this mostly gay-attended party, that was some means of picking me up - I was probably somewhat entertained by his drunken awkwardness - I had a great time. (I will never understand why men assume that engaging in sociable conversation is actually "hitting on" a woman and not just enjoying a good conversation.) More than that, though, is the pleasure of knowing that Honey is not a jealous man and trusts I can stave off propositions on my own. (Though it helps I'm apparently oblivious to men making passes.) I gather some men are insecure - and he's not one of them. I also appreciate that when they talked, Honey was sympathetic to the guy's own awkwardness - he wasn't sure what to make of his first mostly gay-populated party. I really like that he can see people's vulnerabilities that I can't, often.

3. Finding hilarious parody stuff like this on YouTube. Damn, I love that website!

Behind the Curve

... in so many ways. This past week has been crazy. If you're visiting this site and wondering why i haven't commented on yours lately, it's because i've been verbally remiss. i've probably popped in and checked out your blog, but haven't had enough active brain cells to comment. for that, i apologize. in the meantime, here's a video on YouTube that apparently everyone else in the world has known about for months, but which i just discovered via a coworker, Wednesday. it makes me smile and makes my heart happy. i hope you like it!

(incidentally, i haven't figured out how to actually put youtube vids up on my blog, like some folks have. if you know how, please share. i feel like a luddite not knowing how to do this)

what i like about right now

listening to "the blood of eden" off the mix CD i made Honey many years ago when he was out of the country for a few months. it's such a warm, sexy, longing song - well, Peter Gabriel, what can you say? i rediscovered this CD about a week ago. i don't know where it had been hiding.

i made it one warm Spring afternoon at a friend's house; she had a CD burner. it was before everyone could just rip one of these things off on their PCs. i had an idea of which songs i wanted to include, but another of my friends was there making suggestions. he thought i should include something by Morcheeba, so i did. it's sexy, but not totally me - a little too british. eh, still okay. i mostly used CDs of other friends. most of my music was still on tape.

i wanted to give Honey a CD for his return of music that was passionate and echoed the ache i'd had for him in his absence, and probably the ache he had for me. (he did pine for me. within 6 months we were engaged.)

wow, i'm loving this. there's a lot of Dave Matthew's at the beginning of the CD - did i mention i was 22 when i made this? i forget how much i really do like DMB's innuendo laden croons. but after "blood of eden" i'm hearing U2's "love is blindness" and now something from dead can dance, very sweet and somnambulant quality.

i remember i made him another CD that i sent him while he was there that i sent him. i wanted to express my support (maybe even envy) for him and the assurance that i was waiting for him. so i opened it with the closing song from the movie Orlando, "coming" - a beautiful, soulful tune - and included Bill Wither's "ain't no sunshine", B-52s' "Roam", Foo Fighters' "walking after you." i don't know where that CD went. i'd love to find that one, again.

listening to this mix CD again, i feel 22 again. i can feel the carpet under my feet at my friend's house; the sense of security i felt at her house, the "at homeness." i can see the sunlight angling in from her backyard. i can feel the eager anticipation of graduation around the corner, of Honey's return, of my birthday, of setting out to be with him, of the coming century and the excitement of my own sheer youth. i haven't seen my friend in almost 5 years; i haven't had much e-mail contact with her in that time, either, but each time we return to that city and drive past her house, i feel warm and cozy. that city evokes warm feelings in me; i always feel at home there, like i've come home. safe. at-homeness.

this CD gives me at-homeness.

*painting found on www.herbleonhard.com; he apparently does paintings inspired by pop culture. not bad.

today's meandering musings

a little a la Clare's track

the bridge over the river this morning driving in to work - it looked a little like a Monet. (i think that's the artist) like the painting of the bridge at Giverny, except muddier and cold winter looking.

geese this winter. i like watching them fly together with their long necks stretched forward. i like hearing them honk to each other at night in their alien language and watching Babydog freak out at their shared tongue.

seeing the huge golden moon rise over the city and reflect in the river last night, on the drive home. knowing that these are the moments to save in my mental scrapbook.

Malone pines for her desert home

Before I begin my post in earnest, I would like to begin with praise for Daniel Craig, the new James Bond. Honey and I caught Casino Royale yesterday afternoon. I only went on the glowing recommendations of coworkers. I, too was skeptical of a blond Bond; moreover, I'm past tired of Bond's objectification of women. Must I really suffer through Denise Richards or Halle Berry stiff acting and cooing over some guy twice her age just to get to the intrigue and action? Casino did not disappoint - probably the best Bond I've ever seen; thanks in part to a screenplay cowritten by the writer of Crash - and Craig rocked my world! His performance wasn't the Bond archetype that we all know, love and yawn at. It was alert and in the moment. Best since Connery? Hell no: better than! Way to go Danny-boy! I can't wait to see the next offering.

Now, to the real point:
I had the dream again the other night. I don't know if I've ever blogged on it or not. I'm back in my hometown - not the city of my nativity, but where I spent puberty and adolescence - just visiting and I 'm happy to be there. These dreams are usually so vivid or so emotionally compelling that I convince myself that I am actually there. In the last year, I've wanted so badly for my presence there to be real that I pause, take in my surroundings and think to myself or outright proclaim: "this isn't a dream. I'm really here! I'm here! I'm not dreaming!" ... and of course I always am. On occasion, I've woken up actually sad or angry that it was a dream. In retrospect, the landscape of my town is rarely accurate: the temperature is too cool or the mountains too young, like the Rockies, not like the wizened old mounts that they are.

I haven't been back to my hometown, for all intents and purposes, for over 12 years. After I graduated high school, my family moved, I went off to college and the only times I returned were to pick up a friend en route somewhere else, and to scatter the ashes of my first dog. 48 hours total between the two trips in a dozen years doesn't feel like enough.

Sometimes I ask myself why I should care. It is a small town hundreds of miles from any city most outsiders might recognize, closer to Mexico than the nearest mall and I never completely felt like I fit in there. Most people scoff at places like that; and when folks never quite felt completely like they fit in, they write off that place and move on. I think I care for two reasons.

1. Unlike most people I know, I can't return to my hometown for a casual visit. My family no longer lives there, so I have no draw, and it's so remote that to get there would take two plane rides and a car ride that lasts longer than an Oscar-length movie. Because of this inconvenience and my absence from the place, I have no way of dealing with the ghosts of my youth. Honey can drive by his old high school anytime he visits his parents; he can see random old friends still in the area and old haunts for the same reason. I don't know what's up with the Pizza Hut where my friends and I used to hang out and where I had my first date. I don't know if the movie theater still has the John Travolta, Stayin' Alive poster from 1983 in the lobby. I lived in that town from ages 12 to 18, six very important years, which really help shape who one becomes. I feel unresolved a lot of times, not getting a chance to go back and just peek. And I'm terribly jealous of my brother and parents who return every year or two to visit friends. They report back on how much (or little) the place has changed and I feel like it's a kid growing up without me.

2. I long for the simplicity of that isolation, these days. The push and shove of metropolis life, of this part of the country can be overbearing. Elbow room, clean air and drinking water and inky night skies are a luxury anymore. I go in my dreams, maybe to reckon with ghosts and get away from the congestion here.

For almost ten years, when Honey and I started dating, I've been wanting to take him there. But we've never managed to go. My throbbing desire to get out there has only become palpable in the last 3 or 4 years. (Hmm. I wonder if that has anything to do with the war.) I know we'll go out for a visit sometime, but I joke that the only time we'll get a chance is when I die and Honey has to go scatter my ashes at the crook in the river where I want to settle. That would suck, because then I couldn't take him to my favorite places alive! Note to self: don't die at least until you can get Honey out there.

In this last dream I dreamt, Matt Dillon was waiting at a restaurant where I was eating in the old burg. Sounds strange, unless you also know that a neighboring town to my burg has become a mini-mecca for New York artists and the faddish richies who like to cling to the newest chi-chi art-spot. Why Matt Dillon, I don't really know, but that's incidental. As for the neighboring town: I am truly excited that in the last 5 or 6 years, there has been an arts injection into the area. Had there been a movement like that when I was a teen, I may have been less disaffected. (However, I'm sure all that stuff takes money, and I remember having to skip out of a community theatre show I really wanted to see because I had only half the $6 admission.)

What gives me pause though are the wealthy NY hangers-on who are jetting out to the middle of nowhere to visit these new spas that have cropped up in neighboring town and frankly probably my old burg. According to a magazine I read recently, published by a Manhattan retailer for the uber-rich, one of the new hotels to cater to the elite charges $425/night. In an area where the poverty rate is twice that the national average, the median income is rougly $25K and where "school choice" is not an issue because there is only one school to choose from in each town, that kind of stuff breaks my heart. While I'm sure it's good for some locals, I worry about the effect it has on the already depressed local economy. This is a part of the country where housing prices generally go at their own pace, but my family reports that in the last five years the prices have gone through the roof. When the NY Times first did a piece on neighboring town, within days, there were offers to buy property flooding in from the Northeast corridor. The new richies coming in might make it harder for the locals to buy in their own back yard. Additionally I worry that this rapid, specialized attention for neighboring town might balloon into the next Santa Fe. I love Santa Fe dearly - my family traveled Northern NM virtually every summer till I was 13 - but for all the excellence of its history and the art, both old and noveau, it has lost some of its soul to Hollywood and New York. I don't want to see this for neighboring town. I truly, truly hope that the community will continue to benefit from the newfound attention from the artworld (I do genuinely believe it has), I just also hope and pray that it doesn't become the next Park City or Santa Fe playground for the wealthy at the expense of local character. I feel kind of like that person whose friend finds fame: Do well! Benefit! Don't totally sell out, though!

The question still remains: Why Matt Dillon? Guess I'll have to sleep on it. Maybe he'll tour me through my old burg tonight and quell my fears for neighboring town.