We're already six years into the otts! Since we're living in the first decade of the century, that means we'll have the privilege of telling our kids, grandkids, great-grandkids and bored teenagers on the bus what life was like "back in the day." Even though I'm on the darker side of ambivalent about turning 30 this year, I must say, I will be happy out of my pants excited when I'm finally the age where I can rant on, like Grandpa Simpson about how hard we had it when we were young. Here's a partial list of what I'll recall for my victims:
- the trainwreck election of 0tt-0tt. Two words: Hanging Chads. Okay, two more: Butterfly Ballots. Back then, we didn't think we could elect malignant leaders. Just stupid ones. We also thought the two kinds of leaders were mutually exclusive. Thank God the Supreme Court settled that dispute for us!
- the 'splosions heard 'round the world of ott-one. For years I'd bristled at the Taliban's treatment of women, then in 2001 they blew up giant ancient rock-faced statues of Buddha and for some reason that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. (Go figure.) I thought, man, somebody oughtta go knock those guys outta power! Well ... they gave us an exuse. 'course what amazed me most was that the whole world responded with a benevolence to us that we, on the ground, almost never show to them when they suffer far more extensive losses.
- the corporate scandal floodgate of ott-two. Technically, I think this started with Enron in ott-one. But boy they kept 'em coming in '02; my favorite was Tyco. But I want front row seats to the Enron '06 trial. Why it's taken almost 5 years to bring these boys to the table, I'll never know.
- the war we started in ott-three. Mission Accomplished! wait, make that a "?"
- boobie-gate of ott-four. We had our priorities high, back then! Plus, gawking at the tragedy of Janet and Justin's "whoopsie" and their apparent lack of good solid family morals helped us cope with real tragedy on a global scale, right? Sure.
- the drowning of a national treasure in 0tt-five. When the Superdome became the Thunderdome. If I ever did half as good a job as "Brownie" in my own work, I'd be fired!
My hope for ott-six: A better job situation, completion of my degree and maybe just a little more compassion in this bitter old world. We should all just get a puppy.